JANELLE: I hate you. That's all. Not really.... there is more. I think you're the biggest idiot I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of people in many different states. I wish I could say that your terrible yellow highlights were the worst of your problems, but I'm afraid those would be the easiest to fix. My favorite moment of your drug induced stupidity was when your mom kicked you out for the 27th time and you said to your boyfriend (ugh...we'll touch on that later), "I'll show her. I'll have more money than her. I'll have a nicer house than her!" Honey baby, you spent half the season homeless. You got fired from your job and at one point, your car didn't even have a front bumper! Glad to see on Enews that you got arrested for none other than the trashiest crime of all-- not public urination-- girl fighting. Your baby is cute though.
CHELSEA: You poor poor girl. I just hate that you have it so rough. I wish you had a rich parent to look out for you. Oh, I forgot-- YOU DO! Shoot girrrrrrl.... I'm sorry you get to drive around in a VW Beetle. I'm sorry your dad gave you A HOUSE. I'm sorry your boyfriend didn't want to hold your hand at the state fair (I'm also sorry you felt those shorts were appropriate for yes, a fair). The only guy your boyfriend surpasses is Kiefer, and he is a broke criminal with an afro. We won't brag.
KAILYN: Antwon Dotson would look at you and say, "you are so dumb. So dumb. For real!" I don't even know what to say about you. I just played two rounds of words with friends because even blogging about you bores me.
LEAH: You have come leaps and bounds from 16 and preggo! I have to admit that I didn't like you then because you pushed away the best thing you had-- a baby daddy that wanted to be with you! However... you saw the grass is greener on the other side of the mobile home and planted your garden! I'm so happy you got married and you were a beautiful bride. I not only shed tears of joy during your wedding, but tears of relief that you didn't wear your hair in scrunched curls with straight bangs, PTL!! Oh, and your daughter's pink glasses are presh...just presh!
KIEFER: Go back to jail... I'm pretty sure that's the only place you'll get a job. Maybe you can save up for a pack of cigs or an ink pen!
I'm simply on the edge of my seat waiting for the TEEN MOM 2 special with Dr. Drew! From the sneak peak I saw, Chelsea has better hair, which I'm sure her dad paid for as well. Oh man...